The snacks and coolers were empty by the time James carefully docked the boat late in the afternoon. Overhead the sky promised hours of remaining daylight but everyone felt happily waterlogged. They unloaded the gear and carried it up the path to the house.
“I’m gonna shower,” James announced after tossing an empty cardboard beer case into the recycling bin. He needed a few minutes to himself after hours of constant company. Even with the relative silence of the lake he found it hard to think, because all he could think about was Meghan.
After a day and a half around Meghan and John, James knew he’d been missing signs of their budding relationship all summer. The way they looked at each other, smiled over nothing and started laughing at the same time - even if they never touched, chemistry crackled between them. Of course as the day wore on, there had been touching. While their fear of upsetting James faded, James’ own fear of reacting badly inched up. He felt every touch like a punch. They’d held each other in the water, God knows what going on under the dark surface. James could only hope John was truly a nerd and therefore would do nothing like the things James wanted to do in his place.
He closed the door to his bedroom and leaned against it. Across the hall John and Meghan were closing their own door. He wasn’t stupid. James took a deep breath and told himself to relax. There was only one way around this and that was to go through. Two more days.
And then forever, James thought glumly.
____
John set a cooler of empty containers and trash from the boat in front of the sink and said a silent apology. He’d rarely ever left a plate unscraped in the sink but there were things he needed to do. The second Neal begged off to his room, John nearly threw Meghan over his shoulder and ran.
Meghan had a similar idea, dumping empty cans into a plastic sorting bin with an unholy clamour. One fell out. She kicked it into the space along the wall and turned, just as John was coming up behind. His hand on the small of her back, bare skin on bare skin, zapped so hard she almost stumbled. It had been that way in the very beginning, before they’d really gotten together, where every touch felt electric. If she’d gotten used to that, why was it happening now? Then she realized she didn’t care.
Kaylynn declared the need for a nap, then she and Steven made a beeline for their room that would have split the defense on any NHL team. Meghan felt less guilty. John quickly shut the bedroom door behind them.
“What was….”
John, still in his shorts and no shirt, grabbed her from behind. His chest pressed against her back. His mouth was hot on her skin, the spot between her neck and shoulder that sent an ache stabbing down to her hips. His strong hands closed around her arms, telling her not to turn. When he knew she wouldn’t, they dropped to her waist. His fingers traced of her bare skin, spilling goosebumps across her stomach. While his mouth worked deeply, his touch was featherlight.
She knew it would happen, but the moment John’s fingers grazed the silver metal rings at the hips of her bikini bottom, she rocked back against him. In the water, he’d shoved her clothing off with an urgency she hadn’t seen before. Now he was going slower, teasing her, using his stamina and physical control like weapons. One finger hooked a ring, tugged down an inch. The other followed. Another inch, either side. She was almost completed exposed and John hadn’t even touched her. Meghan growled - it wouldn’t take a second for her to make herself come.
Her breath caught. She wished they were standing in front of a mirror so she could watch John have his way with her. The cottage provided nothing more than a dresser, hip-high in front of where they stood. Meghan reached out and braced herself against it.
John exhaled heavily as her ass moved firmly against his lap. He a trying to giver her an idea of what the teasing felt like, how much it hurt not to take her in the water, even with everyone around. Especially with everyone around. He’d never been into showy stuff but something about Meghan made John forget who he’d been before. Or at least who he’d been with. Meghan probably had this power over every guy, but no one else ever had it over John. He ground against the rise of her backside and pushed her suit down another inch.
“John,” she whispered. He was rock hard, why was he making her wait?
He took her right hand from the edge of the dresser and guided it between her legs. Meghan gasped on contact. John held her fingers against her clit and moved them with his own. He pushed harder than she would have, faster. Her wetness seeped between her fingers onto his skin. He pushed his fingers between hers, opening her silt.
“Fuck,” she said. They were both touching her when she couldn’t even handle herself. John’s other hand was at her hip, keeping it down, giving him the perfect half of her ass to rub against. His fingers moved again, inside her this time.
John felt delirious. Later he might not be able to believe this but in the moment, his hormones were talking.
“Touch yourself,” he growled in her ear. Meghan kept her hand where it was; John untangled his and tore open his shorts. Everything in his body throbbed, his cock most of all. It sprang free and Meghan leaning forward slightly, perfect backside hanging in the air. Those long legs looked a little wobbly but John didn’t mind if he hand to hold her up. Stepping close, he fit the underside of his erection into the groove of her ass.
“Fuck.” The expression hissed right out of him. Playtime was over. This was whirlwind he’d felt outside, the almost unstoppable need to be with her. He rocked back and pushed right up into her pussy.
Meghan wanted to scream. All day long, she’d been trembling at the thought of John losing control and taking her. No physical encounter had ever shaken her so much as theirs in the water. Except maybe this. Her hand dropped from her lap.
“Don’t stop,” he said gruffly. “I want to feel you come.”
“I will,” she laughed weakly.
The mouth at her neck smiled. “Don’t stop.”
John felt the difference when she touched herself - her body tightening and rolling in a new way. He felt strong physically but weak at the same time. Nothing had ever been like this. He stroked, lifting her onto her toes. One of his arms snaked around her waist and to hold her upright. Then he went deeper than before, using his legs, blessing the explosive hip thrusts and sled pulls they’d done all summer. She made a tiny noise and her body clenched tightly.
Meghan hoped she came before she died because it would be a shame to miss this. She was breathless. John should be getting as good as he gave but there was no way she could repay this. He must be close.
“Baby,” she said.
John mumbled against her ear, “Please.”
Meghan moaned as she came. Her feet may have left the floor. Waves of pleasure rolled through her body, pulsing around his cock, doing the one last thing John was defenseless against. He held fast and kept pumping until his own orgasm ripped free. Stars popped in his vision and he said her names, more than once, with his mouth pressed to her ear.
They gently untangled themselves, both unsteady on their feet. John pulled a blanket to the floor and Meghan lay down on it. He took the space alongside her and moved in close.
Meghan sighed heavily, still in shock. “What was that?”
He had the most honest face she’d ever seen - and it looked a little scared right now. So was she. Finally he smiled, “Amazing.”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“Best ever.”
Meghan nodded, “Definitely.”
John’s heart, exhausted as it was, kicked hard. This might be the time to tell her how serious he was, how in over his head but something still held him back. She was here right now and she knew - mostly - how he felt. John was gaining confidence that Meghan would come the rest of the way in time.
“Now I’m tired,” he said, putting his head down next to hers.
____
Meghan woke up on the floor, John snoring softly next to her. She untangled and showered then pulled on a pair of robin’s egg blue shorts and a white tank top with lace edges. Her wet hair felt nice against her skin so she left it loose down her back. Barefoot, she headed for the kitchen.
“Hey,” she found Kaylynn sorting through food they had packed. It looked enough to feed an army but maybe not enough for three hockey players on a binge. She picked up a package of ground beef.
“How was your nap?” Kaylynn asked with a straight face.
Meghan glanced around - no boys in sight - and grinned. “Satisfying. How was yours?”
Kaylynn’s eyebrow lifted. “Athletic.” They both laughed, and looked away quickly as Steven stepped in from outside with a barbeque lighter in his hand.
“What’s so funny?”
“Girl talk,” Meghan said.
Steven went around the island and smacked Kaylynn on the backside as he passed. “Guess I’d better keep giving you something to talk about then.”
Meghan worked on burgers while Kaylynn husked corn and Steven watched them with a beer in one hand. That lasted until Kaylynn brandished an ear like a sword and ordered him to start chopping tomatoes and cucumbers for Greek salad. Steven had no intention of eating salad on vacation, but did as he was told. James emerged from his room, freshly showered in a Blue Jays t-shirt and long shorts.
“Got that on for the game tonight?” Steven asked.
“Did you wash your hair for this big event?” Meghan joked.
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, moms. Let’s eat before first pitch.”
The boys took meat to the grill like good cavemen while Meghan and Kaylynn put together sides and salads. There was a shout from outside which they both ignored as no explosion was visible. They were talking about past summer vacations when John came in, toweling off his short hair. He walked right up to Meghan and kissed her cheek, like it was first thing in the morning in his own house.
“Awwww,” Kaylynn said. Meghan pinched her lips together to hide her expression. John headed for the porch without a word.
“How are you guys, uh, holding up?” she asked.
“We’re okay.” Meghan paused a second. “Wait, do you mean John or James?”
“I meant John.”
“Oh, John’s… perfect, I guess,” Meghan said.
Kaylynn snickered. “Well there must be something wrong with the guy.”
“Haven’t found it yet.”
“And James? He seems okay, but I don’t really know him.”
Meghan set her knife on the cutting board. “I’m starting to think maybe I don’t know him either anymore. The James I knew, he never wanted... this. A relationship. He wanted the life, you know? When he got to Pittsburgh, that was his real break. Do you know this story?”
Kaylynn shook her head no.
“He got drafted by Dallas. James was so excited to be in the NHL but to him, the NHL is the Leafs. The Habs or the Bruins or whoever, it’s not Dallas. When he got traded to Pittsburgh, he cried, Kaylynn. He called me and said he hated to be a jerk but he was so fucking happy.”
Kaylynn leaned back against the counter. For the first time since meeting, she saw the fierce loyalty and friendship Meghan had - or used to have - for James.
“The first month and a half he didn’t score. He didn’t really fit in. I went to see him, he was in this empty rental house eating take away every night. His teammates were nice but they were so spent from the season, so playoff desperate that it wasn’t a time to make friends. He finally scored a huge goal - only his second ever for the Pens - a double-overtime playoff game winner to go up 3-1 in the series.”
“That’s amazing,” Kaylynn said.
Meghan frowned. “It was against Steven.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Meghan said. “But the Pens lost the next three in a row and the series.”
“Wow,” Kaylynn said. She didn’t know hockey but that sounded like something that should happen.
“I have never seen anything like it - not then, at least. It was an implosion. I was still at school, almost into finals, and James came to Toronto and stayed at my apartment. He didn’t tell anyone he was there, just wallowed and waited for me to come home.”
“Did you guys ever….”
“No,” Meghan said. Kaylynn waved like she was sorry for asking, but it wasn’t an impossible question where James was concerned. “We never. I’m pretty sure he slept with my roommate at the time, but I felt so bad for him I didn’t care. Anyway, when he finally felt better he spent that summer tearing it up. Like he needed to prove he wasn’t that sad guy, or to keep everyone from asking about the Pens. Then he went back to Pittsburgh and bam. Forty goal season. Huge contract. He had a TV special, Kay. Followed him around for 36 hours like Justin fucking Bieber. Crosby was out and all of a sudden: James Neal, White Knight. It’s been like that - sort of - ever since.”
“So he got the career he wanted. Maybe he changed his mind about the life that came with it,” Kaylynn suggested.
It sure seemed that way for the last month, but after fifteen years what difference could thirty days make? Meghan just sighed.
“James never changes his mind.”
____
John joined the guys outside and worked his way through a beer as the sun sank over the lake. Steven cracked jokes and talked with James, but he was working pretty hard to keep the conversation flowing. John felt Neal pushing back against the effort to cheer him up.
Fine, John thought. Be miserable.
It couldn’t be easy to like a girl who said no. It must be worse to see her with a new guy. To sleep under the same roof as that girl, while she slept with another guy - John could not imagine being on James’ end of the bargain. But for his own end, John was making it well worth the trip.
I could buy a place like this, he considered as he looked across the water. Lots of his teammates and friends had getaways and lake houses. John already felt like his house in Mississagua was a luxury since he wasn’t there nine months of the year. He owned his place on Long Island too, but he didn’t put a lot of heart into it. He lived with a roommate anyway, his teammate Colin Macdonald, and together they kept it clean enough during homestands. Next year he’d move to a place in Brooklyn, probably some fancy loft-turned-flat where someone else had done most of the work. John had assumed he’d room with Colin again. Maybe not so much now.
Meghan would like New York. She could certainly find a job there. John thought of the things he liked to do - walk around the busy street, look at the Christmas decorations, see a show or a game - and pictured Meghan there with him. Colin too, and some of the other guys. They’d love her. Then in the off-season, he could stay in New York while she worked and, every chance, whisk her away to someplace like this cottage where it would be just them, for a little while.
“I’ve got buns!”
John returned his attention to the deck as Kaylynn appeared with a platter full of hamburger buns to be toasted. She wore a white lacy dress with spaghetti straps, hair bouncing, and John could definitely see what had driven Steven to follow her to a bar that first night. It had been worth it too - Stamkos gave her a racy kiss then stood there like a stunned cartoon character, just missing the little birds circling around his head.
“What is up with you guys?” John asked, elbowing Steven.
Stamkos’ light blue eyes examined him, then Neal, before he said, “I told Kaylynn I love her.”
The dock vanished beneath John’s feet and he dropped into the water. Or at least that’s how it felt. His breathing stopped, his heart froze and he turned, like a reflex, toward the cottage. Toward Meghan.
“Whoa, Stammer,” James said.
They braced for the snide comment to follow, the dismissive insult that would end up with Neal bloody, in the lake, or both. But James said nothing. So John asked, “What’d Kaylynn say?”
Steven was glowing despite his best effort not to smile. “She said it first.”
John couldn’t help it - he looked at James. Who was looking back at him. Just like that, everything had changed.
James wanted to die. Most of all he wanted to get in a car and drive away from this place, but he couldn’t. He had promised himself and his friends he would do this work and make things right. Even if everything was very, very wrong. For lack of any coherent thought, he just lifted his beer. “Good on ya, buddy.”
Steven looked surprised to hear it. James was very surprised to mean it.
On cue Meghan stepped through the door, eyes darting toward the now-smoking grill. She tossed the dishes she carried on the table. “What are you guys doing? Don’t ruin everything we’ve slaved over!”
John had the urge to kiss her, tell her everything right then and just start pleading. He settled for getting out of her way. She grabbed a spatula and poked and a burger.
James took the utensil from her hand. “Easy, Top Chef. We can feed ourselves.”
Meghan ducked around his side. “Yes, but is it something I’ll eat? Pizza doesn’t deliver out here, you know.” John looked away, trying not to laugh. Meghan always said was he was thinking.
“Hmmmm,” she turned toward Kaylyn. “Good thing we made salad.”
They also had pasta salad with roasted red peppers, couscous in a pimento dressing, grilled corn on the cob and baked beans with bacon that made John want to propose to Meghan on the spot. James and Steven proudly served their burgers and even Meghan admitted they were delicious. She didn’t notice the guys avoiding each other’s looks.
James had one eye on his dinner and the other on Meghan. He was reeling from Steven’s admission - love. He was in love. They were kids! In the real world they’d be entry-level employees trying to climb the corporate ladder, eating Ramen and sharing tiny apartments. Did having money have to speed up the clock? Just because they could have houses and families, did that mean they should?
But he saw that future in Meghan. She used to cook all the time around the house. Now that she didn’t live there at all, cooking didn’t happen. James didn’t even know where she was living. She had said with her parents, but James suspected John was keeping her over every night.
I would, he thought grouchily.
At home was when he missed Meghan the most. It was a Catch 22 - he spent more time at home to be the kind of person Meghan wanted. Without Meghan there, it didn’t feel like home and James was desperate to be out. Even here, in a rented place packed with other people’s things, Meghan made it comfortable. She left her book on the table, her shoes by the door. She had a way of filling up spaces that seemed so empty when she left. One of those places was inside James.
Across the table, John’s arm brushed Meghan’s side. She didn’t even notice - she was so used to it now.
“You did, right?”
James blinked and met Kaylynn’s eyes. Her mouth was turned up expectantly. “Sorry, what?”
“You took the boating license test. Was it hard?”
James was drawn out of his head and back into the conversation. Meghan was giving him a suspicious look and Kaylynn must’ve noticed something too, because she asked more questions about his boat and even about his Ferrari the second Steven started making fun of it.
“You have a hand-me-down car,” James shot back.
“It’s a Benz, and it was a year old!” Steven protested. “And you have the same one!”
“I got it new. Like my Ferrari.”
Steven rolled his eyes. “A Ferrari is not a car, it’s a condom. Get everybody thinking about your dick then keep them from touching it.”
“You are never riding in it again.”
“Fine,” Steven said. “I’ll see if the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile is for sale.”
____
When the argument, and eventually dinner, were over everyone moved inside the cottage. Kaylynn opened every window to let the night breeze off the water into the living room. Two overstuffed white couches and two matching comfy armchairs were arranged in front of a reclaimed driftwood coffeetable and a big, flat-screen TV. James took a chair, propped his feet up and pointed the remote. He needed a distraction and needed it now.
The Blue Jays were playing the Yankees, a team for which the boys could always find plenty of trash to talk. Especially when the Yankees weren’t a lock for the post-season like most years. The Jays weren’t either, no surprise there, which made every game important.
Meghan was surprised when John took the end of the couch closest to James, but they were already deep in conversation about stats and post-season probabilities. She sat next to him while Steven and Kaylynn claimed the sofa to their left, facing James’ chair.
____
It almost happened on a strikeout. There were runners in scoring position and the top of the order at the plate. The Jay’s pitcher caught the Yankees’ hitter looking and the ump rang him up. John grabbed Meghan excitedly.
For a second James forgot that he was supposed to be okay with this just like John forgot to be discreet. Meghan saw James’s expression flash red. She ignored it - they had barely touched.
Two innings later, the Jays’ clean up hitter went yard to tie up the game. It was a high, slow fly ball and they were all on their feet, willing it over the left field wall. When it cleared, everyone reacted - James with a high-five, Steven with a whoop, John with a hug and his lips on Meghan’s neck.
It happened so fast she almost wasn’t sure. Meghan froze, even when she wanted to melt into a puddle at John’s feet. Already he was off her, fist-bumping Steven and dropping back into the couch. But James’ eyes had locked on hers right after John’s lips did the same, only James pulled away faster. Either he didn’t want to see or he didn’t want to react.
The longer the game lasted, the more Meghan knew James hadn’t wanted to see that. She didn’t blame him but at the same time, it was just a kiss. A quick one, not even on the lips. He’d claimed he needed to get over this and he did. One kiss was not about to derail her whole vacation. James was quiet for the rest of the game, but Meghan caught him glancing her way when good things happened. She sat next to John and pretended not to notice.
____
Finally the game ended. James had been avoiding Meghan’s eyes so intentionally she knew there was only one option now.
“I brought games, they’re in the car. James would you give me a hand?”
Meghan said it casually, but it felt like she was dropping a bomb out of a plane. James’ big blue eyes shot right to hers in surprise. She nodded toward the door that lead out back. He was slow to uncurl his long body, but he followed. Night had fully fallen, leaving the bright moon and stars overhead. A motion lighted clicked on as they passed onto the driveway. They walked past Steven’s car and around to the back of her rented Mini Cooper. She had the keyring in her hand but did not beep the locks.
“Are you okay?”
If he could have put a one-way mirror between himself and John and Meghan watching the game, James would have watched only them. Instead he looked at the TV while listening intently for the sound of anything happening to his side, ready to whip around and witness… what? It was stupid. They weren’t going to do anything - at all, probably - and certainly nothing a regular couple wouldn’t do. But that they were a couple was still so unbelievable. That people were falling in love.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Liar.”
James sighed. “I’m trying.”
“Me too.” Meghan could not elaborate on how, but she was trying every second of every hour here to be good about this. She wanted to climb into John’s lap and play with his hair and be revoltingly cute, a hundred times worse than Steven and Kaylynn, but she didn’t. It was not the same because Meghan had what she wanted. James didn’t. But he couldn’t have everything.
“I know,” James admitted. He’d felt her holding back since they arrived.
“So what do we do?”
The last thing he wanted to do was look at her. It was a gateway drug to wanting her, to needing her and finally, quickly to falling completely in love with her. James didn’t want to see at her pretty face or her kind eyes, the arms that had always been open to him. Even if he started at her feet, then her legs, he ended up with the body he’d fantasized about. It made his own unused body ache. And at the end were her eyes, the ones that didn’t look back quite the same way anymore.
He shrugged. “Keep trying.”
She smiled sadly and turned toward the car. Before she could open the hatch, James hugged her from behind. He kept his arms high, almost around her shoulders and well north of anywhere he wasn’t supposed to touch. There’d been enough physical longing this weekend. He just held her loosely, like a friend might, and put his face into her hair.
____
Meghan felt John’s eyes on her the minute she and James came inside. It wasn’t the usual way he looked for her when she entered a room - this was John’s worried face. It was as adorable as all his other faces and so Meghan just winked. Concern instantly melted away and John grinned back as he slid over to make room for her on the couch. She suggested they play Apples to Apples, a game that required little competition but quickly got snarky and perverted.
“This had better be good,” she declared, biting her thumbnail. “Don’t let me down, boys. You too, Kay.”
Kaylynn was up to the task. For the first card of the game, she threw down one that read: Sexy.
Everyone tossed red cards on the table, hoping to have the noun that was best described by Kaylynn’s adjective. Options came in: The Netherlands; Taxes; Speculum; Pleated Pants.
Kaylynn’s eyes lit up, slapping her hand on that card. “Meghan,” she said, holding up Pleated Pants, “This had to be yours.”
Meghan whooped in victory. Behind her, John just shook his head. “You guys are jerks.”
Before two rounds were over they were all laughing. Meghan’s watchful eye saw James perk up after their conversation outside, then turn into his full, regular self chirping everyone and insisting he’d won every round. Which he usually did. Maybe that was the real reason Meghan picked the game. The humor and energy never really reached his eyes though, and Meghan could tell he was working hard to seem casual. There was nothing she could do about it - as James said earlier, they just had to keep trying.
____
After a hour of gaming and shouting and being generally out-perverted by everyone, John helped clean up. When all the dishes were finally drying, he was surprised to find Meghan wasn’t in the bedroom. He padded down the hall and found the bathroom door was ajar, Meghan rinsing toothpaste from her mouth. He slipped in and closed it behind.
“Everything alright?”
John hadn’t liked the extra minutes Meghan and James were outside at the car. He wasn’t really jealous, or worried, just concerned that if Neal was upset it would upset Meghan. During games they’d seemed fine but John knew Meghan was a heck of an actress.
It felt like her first moment alone with John in an eternity and Meghan only wanted to do one thing. She lifted her finger and gently traced the scar above his lip. The more tanned he got the more it stood out, fair against his darkening skin. When he spoke, or smiled, or did anything it drew her eye. A little battle scar, it reminded her that no matter how nice he was, John was also capable of standing up to anything.
His hand rested at her waist. There was no need to hold someone who wasn’t running away.
“I can’t believe I only knew your name before this summer,” Meghan said. “How was I watching so much hockey and missing all of this?”
John’s mouth twitched beneath her touch. I love you, it almost said. But this wasn’t the time, not right after someone else. He wouldn’t say it because Steven did or steal Steven and Kaylynn’s thunder. When John told her, it would be their own moment.
“Come to bed,” he said softly.
They undressed most of the way, though John didn’t protest when Meghan got into bed with her panties still on. He kept his shorts. The bed was just big enough for him to lay on his back and Meghan on her side, head of his shoulder. John arm was around her back. His fingers twisted the ends of her long hair, grazing her back in the process. After a long day in the sun, wanting and thinking and wishing, he felt the heavy pull of sleep. Meghan whispered goodnight and closed her eyes.
____
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